I’ve been using this new music player recently called Pandora. It’s really great. I used to listen to AccuRadio, but when you could get it to work, they would run a commercial after what seemed like every song they played. I mean, if I wanted that, I would just turn on my actual radio and tune to a top 40 station.

They say that people stop listening to new music in their twenties. Usually, you get to about 25 years old, and you just have nothing to do with new music. Your taste stops developing, and you will perpetually be stuck with the music of the first two decades of your life. I’m not sure this is entirely true. I still listen to new music, but it’s probably people you’ve never heard on pop radio. That’s what is so great about Pandora. Sure, you can find all your little pop divas and rap superstars on there, but they also have a great collection of stuff you will never hear on the radio, basically because the artists don’t look like they’ve stepped out of Beverly Hills, 90210 (or “the OC”, depending on your age).

The NPR station in my area also runs what they call “Adult Rock” through the work day. But it’s this same kind of music; unsigned artists with great talent that will never be famous because they just aren’t one of the Pretty People. That term – “Adult Rock” – was a term that, when I was 18 or 19, would have caused me to have a violent dry heave. Actually, I guess it still would if you are talking about stations that play Celine Dion and Michael Bolton all day. For the love of God… I get enough of that at work.

I work in a grocery store. I think I still remember a time when there was no music in grocery stores. This could, however, be a false memory created by years of eardrums being raped by the satellite station in my store. They play the most depressing music I’ve ever heard. Seriously. They play that song, “I can’t live (if livin’ is without you)” which was used during the suicide scene in the movie The Rules of Attraction, and I will never associate that song with anything else but that girl killing herself in the tub. And they play this song at least twice a day. There is also a song they play 2 or three times every day… and I shudder just thinking about it… you know that “IIIIII…. wanna sing you a loooooove song… I wanna rock you in my arrrrrrrms, allllll night looooooong…” song?


Well, as if that song wasn’t bad enough, there is apparently a country remake of it, as if the original wasn’t mind-numbingly awful to begin with. And every time that song plays, I swear, a little switch in my brain flips off, and I want to strangle a puppy. It’s that bad.

I have a theory about this. Music has been scientifically shown to affect mood. Who still does most of the grocery shopping in America today? Women. And what do a lot of women do when they get depressed? They eat.

This simply cannot be a coincidence.