I am an idiot. Not only am I an idiot, I am a procrastinating idiot. Tomorrow is April 15th in America. Tax Day. The day when everyone has to file their taxes or else risk being hauled away to a dank, musty Federal Prison by 4 to 6 Federal Agents who will pull up in front of your house in a black Federal car. Well, I'd been putting it off and putting it off, and then the next thing I know, I look at the calendar and it is April 14th.

I got home from work today, and pulled out my huge pile of forms, spreading them neatly across the entirety of my kitchen table. I poured myself a tall soda and sat down, looking at this somewhat organized pile of crap surrounding me. I began plugging in the numbers; doing all the calculations. Adding the total of lines 15 thru 23, then subtracting from line 12 and seeing if it was larger than line 94a, and if it is, you should fill out schedule BS and enter that total on line 97e, whereby you would need to fill out form 9843.22 which cannot be obtained, even online, unless you have previously filled out form 82835-443.23-☼£xr-2 and have gotten a positive response back on form 666, and signed by Lucifer himself.

I was at the end. I only had a few more of those damn little boxes to fill in. And then I would be free. Free for another year. Free for the rest of the evening to play videogames and not worry about my stupid tax forms. Just a few more boxes…

And then it hit me. I had filled out my schedule D, just like a good little taxpayer should, filling in my Capital Gains and Losses for the year. (Because I take my investing advice from the fortune cookies at Shang Hai Bistro, I had a lot of losses this year.) Anyway, I'm filling in this form, and then I realise that I have not received a form that I needed from my broker. I have one form that tells me all of the total amounts, but not the cost basis (or whatever made-up-just-for-kicks word the financial gurus use), so I cannot complete this form. Therefore, I cannot complete my 1040. On April 14th. A Friday night.

After panicking for a bit too long and looking up what you had to do to file an extension, I call my father, who informs me that we actually have until April 17th this year to file. So, basically, I have to make a bunch of stupid calls Monday, to fill in a bunch of stupid numbers, so I can re-do the entire stupid form again, and all of this because someone never mailed me the stupid form that they are legally obligated to mail you… and also because I am so utterly stupid that I wait until the last stupid minute to do my stupid taxes.

I could just cry. 

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